About lovealwayssam : I read FML everyday. I'm twenty three: and have a sick crush on john cena. I've met him once, greatest day of my life :p I'm not funny and I rarely comment. Send me a message. With the new handy-dandy FML app, I can now read and respond! oooohhh ahhhhh. ;)
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Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27727) - you deserved it (3178)
On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - love - by un_christmas - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64235) - you deserved it (15802)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16379) - you deserved it (1380)
On 01/13/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (3025)
On 12/06/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29389) - you deserved it (3956)
On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31364) - you deserved it (3497)
On 07/12/2011 at 12:46pm - misc - by ManInPain (man) - United States
Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30249) - you deserved it (4350)
On 06/29/2011 at 1:13am - intimacy - by crazy_bitch122 - United States (California)
Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18140) - you deserved it (4757)
On 12/04/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by chi-huaHUA - United States
Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20076) - you deserved it (5220)
On 11/28/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23190) - you deserved it (7817)
On 11/04/2010 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18005) - you deserved it (3066)
On 01/21/2010 at 12:29am - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML
I agree, your life sucks (28434) - you deserved it (203)
On 11/04/2009 at 5:12am - misc - by burned (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I spent hours arguing with my mother, who claimed I shouldn't make a three hour drive because I wouldn't be able to concentrate for that long. I argued that I was a perfectly capable driver, and left. In the last 2 minutes of the journey, I hit a van and messed up the front of my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10163) - you deserved it (26219)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by neverdrivingagain (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85603) - you deserved it (6733)
On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (116095) - you deserved it (11105)
On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Friday 24 May 2013
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