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love1818's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 12:49am / United States (California) / Love
Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML
by Drafty / 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML
by no cake for me / 11/07/2012 at 2:31am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 2:21pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML
by sad / 11/05/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
by becca / 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm / United States / Love
by friedbutter / 10/28/2012 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 6:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML
by RedFox12 / 10/27/2012 at 8:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/18/2012 at 1:33am / United States / Animals
Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
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- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan.…