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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9282) - you deserved it (16923)
On 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by kingmetal42 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8513) - you deserved it (24444)
On 01/30/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Wowsers. (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)
Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16275) - you deserved it (5016)
On 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5410) - you deserved it (20662)
On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13546) - you deserved it (20490)
On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)
Today, my neighbor took out a restraining order against me. She told the cops that for the last week, I've been standing in my yard looking at her though her bedroom window. It's my blow up Santa in the yard, not me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24673) - you deserved it (1712)
On 12/06/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28834) - you deserved it (2431)
On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6179) - you deserved it (19115)
On 11/14/2009 at 11:52am - work - by crazylobster (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29579) - you deserved it (1616)
On 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm - health - by oldlady (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (3861) - you deserved it (57789)
On 09/08/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by HotToTrotskyite (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51838) - you deserved it (18219)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46791) - you deserved it (127942)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Friday 24 May 2013
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