About loser : I'm a loser
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33530) - you deserved it (146885)
On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45731) - you deserved it (23923)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45731) - you deserved it (23923)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45879) - you deserved it (26147)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58339) - you deserved it (40958)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65074) - you deserved it (22180)
On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12642) - you deserved it (56481)
On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56094) - you deserved it (17181)
On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28790) - you deserved it (85952)
On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41004) - you deserved it (247381)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75627) - you deserved it (10588)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - intimacy - by Noname - Philippines (Cebu City)
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63149) - you deserved it (8248)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (62041)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45855) - you deserved it (81882)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71109) - you deserved it (1431)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
