I'm a loser
Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61928) - you totally deserved it (1850)
On 08/15/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by jellybean_94 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44148) - you totally deserved it (5336)
On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33299) - you totally deserved it (4812)
On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39913) - you totally deserved it (40450)
On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52744) - you totally deserved it (5156)
On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14479) - you totally deserved it (28546)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36217) - you totally deserved it (4816)
On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14054) - you totally deserved it (32056)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while waitressing at the Mexican restaurant I work at, a customer walks up and asks me why an Asian is working at a Mexican restaurant. I say I don't know and he then starts calling me many derogatory Asian names and leaves. Funny thing is I'm not at all asian. I'm Mexican. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you totally deserved it (1433)
On 05/29/2009 at 12:42am - work - by Via_Baudelaire (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and proceeded to say (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51191) - you totally deserved it (5099)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34214) - you totally deserved it (5843)
On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you totally deserved it (9660)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48581) - you totally deserved it (3072)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift WAY more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand.FML
I agree, your life sucks (6762) - you totally deserved it (35738)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She proceeded to say, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46488) - you totally deserved it (4178)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
