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lordtreepowers's FML badges
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lordtreepowers's favorite FMLs
by sammieshortcake / 09/14/2013 at 11:30am / United States / Love
Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML
by no life to fuck :/ / 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Health
Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML
by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML
by HappyBirthdayISuppose / 04/01/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML
by bummed / 04/15/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML
by digressions / 12/29/2011 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by sninapeters / 12/22/2011 at 12:31am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Money
by FreeToFly3733 / 08/19/2010 at 7:25am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Geek
by washed / 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML
by toomuchmetal / 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
- Today I got a question from a guest at work. I work as a scenic tour pilot and our airplanes have a… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog…