About lonewolf393 : University of Miami Class of 2019
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
lonewolf393's favorite FMLs
by BodyElectric / 07/26/2016 at 1:06am / Animals
by SkyrimGamerMoM / 07/14/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Geek
by polemania / 07/11/2016 at 1:23am / United States / Work
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 3:39pm / Germany (Bayern) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 10:09pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I'm filling in as a secretary. My only job is to answer the phone. So far the phone has rung three times: when I was in the bathroom, when I went to get the mail and when I was shredding papers where there is no phone. Everyone here thinks I am slacking off. FML
by mdimanzy / 06/06/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Fido / 06/06/2016 at 7:58am / United States / Kids
Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML
by just die already / 04/24/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by boipucci / 04/21/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Mcwifi / 04/21/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 7:52am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML
by buttercup92 / 03/13/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…