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lonerbitch

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 111
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lonerbitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76030) - you deserved it (18753)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121793) - you deserved it (22151)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121793) - you deserved it (22151)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84662) - you deserved it (21031)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25418) - you deserved it (66127)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28161) - you deserved it (77982)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48997) - you deserved it (4870)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

#41
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42987) - you deserved it (9000)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Crawling -

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

#22
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49697) - you deserved it (36666)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:31am - intimacy - by rmL -

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

#17
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65673) - you deserved it (18127)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:27am - love - by Jonathan -

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

#13
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102329) - you deserved it (15069)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:23am - love - by Sarah91 -

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

#11
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59739) - you deserved it (16203)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:22am - misc - by mehdi-online -

Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

#8
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (283529) - you deserved it (28116)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:20am - misc - by mehdi -

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

#6
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87056) - you deserved it (39749)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:19am - love - by mocass’1 (woman) - France



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