Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lolnothanks

Offline (13 hours ago) | Search for a member

lolnothanks

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 996
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lolnothanks's page activity

Visits<b>ironhead</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 9:28am<b>Tbear11</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 7:50am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 6:30am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 6:19am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 5:22pm<b>sweetkitten69</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 3:27am<b>nicole_is_bunny</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 11:31pm<b>anitriarose</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 4:30pm<b>xTrepidation</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 1:51pm<b>chilevmv</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 12:51pm<b>pruebadecolor</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 9:53am<b>hansam</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 9:35am<b>dre82</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 9:00am<b>toneeangel</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 8:55am<b>Llama_Face89</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 8:52am<b>Ebola</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 6:10am<b>obeliskhades</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 5:37am<b>Broadway_Vayne</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 11:02am

Liked!<b>ExastirisDragon</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 6:28am

lolnothanks's FML badges

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of lolnothanks's badges

lolnothanks's favorite FMLs

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28617) - you deserved it (5611)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (6532)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (31270)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37376) - you deserved it (2313)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49065) - you deserved it (3472)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41268) - you deserved it (4340)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37202) - you deserved it (3482)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40621) - you deserved it (9264)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

#21233010
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37331) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by I already have one, thanks (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49186) - you deserved it (21262)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42579) - you deserved it (4374)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

#21214798
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49219) - you deserved it (4083)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50487) - you deserved it (6790)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: