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Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6798) - you totally deserved it (44648)
On 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64210) - you totally deserved it (3637)
On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
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On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49275) - you totally deserved it (15411)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
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On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML
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On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiance because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you totally deserved it (5648)
On 03/20/2009 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML
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On 03/10/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by rebecca (woman) - Austria (Wien)
Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24527) - you totally deserved it (40941)
On 03/10/2009 at 5:56am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML
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On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML
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On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally called my boyfriend and we made up after a big fight. For a whole month I had put him on my cell phone's reject list, to automatically reject his calls. I jokingly asked him how he liked all his calls getting rejected. He stared at me blankly. Turns out, he didn't call me once. FML
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On 03/08/2009 at 5:07am - love - by Jenny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went on a walk with the guy I like. He held my hand, so I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him. He said that he had feelings for me too. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He put his hand on my face and pushed it away, and said "until your acne clears, we are NOT together." FML
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On 03/07/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML
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On 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)
