About lizzlegirl : life is a beach n im just playin in the sand.
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lizzlegirl's favorite FMLs
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML
by notnicefools / 05/28/2012 at 10:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by girly girly / 05/26/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 7:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by picklet / 05/12/2012 at 10:36am / Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan) / Work
Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML
by Hunter101 / 05/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
by mel / 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Work
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
by dan / 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML
by coffeeshopgirl / 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle… Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her… Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…