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lizzaveth's favorite FMLs
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML
by nobrows / 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML
by tim12345 / 07/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States / Money
by Username / 07/15/2011 at 3:51pm / United States / Health
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by blahblah493 / 05/26/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by wtfiswrongwithher / 05/07/2011 at 9:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML
by fuundmental/// / 04/09/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML
by dollybabe / 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
by absentmindedmoron / 09/27/2009 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous
by coolhand / 08/29/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
by whatdoyoudo / 03/16/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
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- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…