Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About lizwriteslove : My name is Liz, obviously.
I am currently a senior in high school and I can't wait to graduate.
FV Iced Coffee XX from DD = Love.
I am slightly addicted to FML. I can't stand it when long periods of time go by without new FMLs being added.
Driving to random places is fun, especially when with random people while blasting random music.
Music; Hit the Lights is superrrr.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my 3-year-old looool said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitres cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was brd shit. FML
TODAY WAS MAH FIRST MEETING WITH BUSINESS PARTNERS AS I AM NEW TO THE TEAM. INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO "STRETCHING MAH LEGS" OR "SPREADING MAH WINGS" I TOLD THEM I WAS ANXIOUS TO START "SPREADING MAH LEGS". FML
TODAY, I TURNED 18. MY PARENTS GAVE ME A CARD THAT READ "NOW THAT YOU'RE 18, IT'S TIME FIR SOME BOOZY FUN... U CAN DO ALL THE THINGS U DID BEFORE BUT LEGALLY!" TAPED TO THE INSIDE WAS MY FAKE ID THAT I "LOST" THREE MONTHS AGO. FML
Today , I decidd to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work!! I was also eating french fries during the drive!! I had never realizd how much a cigarette feels like a french fry!! In conclusion , cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them!! FML
Today... I was pulld over by a police officer fir speeding. After writing the ticket... he askd me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scard. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML
Today , I was home alonehile mah mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower , an I noticed mah mom left her douche in there. After , I texted her telling her wat I found an that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It cummed from mah vagina , like u an your sister." fat FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on mah nut sack. looool So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of mah pubic hars had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
today I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over there kitten. Twice. FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
Today , I Was Packing My Son's Lunch And We Ran Out Of Water Bottles. I Askd My 16 Years Old To Run To The Store. She Didnt Want To But Gave Me One She Had. After Dropping My Son Off , My Daughter Frantically Told Me She Made A Mistake. I Sent My Second Grader To School With A Bottle Of Vodka. FML
TODAY, I REALIZED MY FRIENDS AN I SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL WAT WE SAY AROUND MY YOUNGER BROTHER . I NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION UNTIL TODAY . MY STEPMOM TOLD HIM IT WAS TIME TO GO TO BED . HE RESPONDED, "I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SUCK ONE." MY BROTHER IS 4 . BIG FAT FML
Today, looool I went to get a sports pysical at a ospital. My nurse was morbidly obese an unattractive. Se told me se would go troug te tests listd on te seet. Se did everyting, including feeling my genitalia. Wen it was done, I read over te seet. Genitalia wasn't a test listd. FML
Today, I was walking troug te mall wit ma boyfriend of a year and a alf. Tere was sign outside of te jewelry store tat said, "Engagement Rings-No interest fir 12 monts." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replid, "Tat's rigt...NO INTEREST." big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015