About lizwriteslove : My name is Liz, obviously.
I am currently a senior in high school and I can't wait to graduate.
FV Iced Coffee XX from DD = Love.
I am slightly addicted to FML. I can't stand it when long periods of time go by without new FMLs being added.
Driving to random places is fun, especially when with random people while blasting random music.
Music; Hit the Lights is superrrr.
About lizwriteslove : My name is Liz, obviously.
lizwriteslove's FML badges
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
lizwriteslove's favorite FMLs
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
by psychortiz / 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 7:13pm / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
by fmlfmlfml / 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML
by failbaby / 06/02/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by deucelututi / 05/31/2009 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML
by onlyme / 05/23/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML
by unemployed / 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML
by whoopsiedoodle / 05/21/2009 at 8:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
by morningeyes / 05/19/2009 at 10:19am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
by nana / 05/19/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 8:40am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML
by chelserusera / 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
- Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were… Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed… Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of…