About livemaerd : I'm a paradox, ironic, iconic, heroic, pathetic, idiotic, sarcastic, made of plastic, mnemonic, supersonic Artist that has nothing more to say except for: 'I love my girl more than my own life...'
livemaerd's FML badges
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
livemaerd's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm / United States / Love
Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 2:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
by scarredforlife / 08/16/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:58pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
by what the FUCK / 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML
by ShowerStar / 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm / United States / Love
by theflow / 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
by lonely. / 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML
by shelby124 / 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy