About limegreenpoopie : Hey there, I'm Maha. And I don't bite.
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Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17681) - you deserved it (32124)
On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)
Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36285) - you deserved it (8454)
On 04/21/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Jesus (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30795) - you deserved it (75198)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31205) - you deserved it (100899)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47093) - you deserved it (129093)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46544) - you deserved it (6362)
On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72941) - you deserved it (3552)
On 03/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by sweet (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (492086) - you deserved it (24728)
On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74861) - you deserved it (21257)
On 03/10/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by deez_nutz (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11838) - you deserved it (43104)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22632) - you deserved it (31018)
On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58188) - you deserved it (5504)
On 03/05/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by f*** (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86991) - you deserved it (9394)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by justanaccount (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46420) - you deserved it (6920)
On 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm - health - by blawbo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7373) - you deserved it (17240)
On 01/24/2009 at 1:56pm - love - by screwed - Chile (Region Metropolitana)
Monday 17 June 2013
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