About limegreenpoopie : I don't bite. Hard.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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limegreenpoopie's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML
by vomitingnow / 07/22/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2009 at 8:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML
by Eh... / 07/19/2009 at 3:25am / Ukraine (Kyyivs'ka Oblast') / Work
by charma / 07/11/2009 at 9:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
by Anonymous / 07/04/2009 at 2:07am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Soapy / 06/28/2009 at 3:23am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
by thanksbaby / 06/01/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML
by Jdub / 05/27/2009 at 8:51pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
by karmasabitch / 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML
by Anonymous / 05/10/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy