About limegreenpoopie : I don't bite. Hard.
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limegreenpoopie's favorite FMLs
Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
by green and not with envy / 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/22/2014 at 11:26am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by guess I'm stuck / 04/16/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML
by Gangnam / 11/16/2012 at 10:52am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
by LawStudent / 09/19/2012 at 10:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML
by painfetish8021 / 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by MyEarsHurt / 09/16/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids