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lilpixie21's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
lilpixie21's favorite FMLs
by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
by wmkaz / 04/21/2012 at 2:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by rubberduckie94 / 04/06/2012 at 9:17am / United States / Animals
Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML
by Chris / 04/04/2012 at 10:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by KatieB / 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by gordogs 25 / 04/04/2012 at 6:53am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML
by jackmehoffa / 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon I was nervous, eight I was pissed. Around ten I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 8:35am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML
by sad / 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love
Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML
by sheilob / 03/24/2012 at 7:06pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Stephen / 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm / Sweden / Health
by thammer / 03/24/2012 at 9:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2012 at 7:51pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love