Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lilhellian

Offline (9 hours ago) | Search for a member

lilhellian

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 December 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4145
  • Number of comments : 1818
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About lilhellian : I have accepted the duty of the being an assassin against comments such as "thats shitty." I dont just snip, I'm capable of being a ninja. I am The Puppy Assassin. I has a female pomerian chipmunk baby named joey with squeakychipmunk! I am atheist...

lilhellian's page activity

Visits<b>Fooflybag</b> - 40 minutes ago<b>zach205</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 9:05am<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 8:15pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 7:50pm<b>Gundai</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 4:40pm<b>darkflight</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 11:31am<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 5:10pm<b>CFB_FRS</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 6:48am<b>Phaeno</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 11:13pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 7:39pm<b>Demonface54</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 8:52am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 11:41am<b>silencebabyy</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 7:13pm<b>Exhayle</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 8:26pm<b>Kbryant321</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 12:31am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:16pm<b>allie2590</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 12:40am

Liked!<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 11:17pm

lilhellian's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of lilhellian's badges

lilhellian's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29883) - you deserved it (3575)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

#19885818
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (3350)

On 07/03/2012 at 12:43pm - work - by hypocrite (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

#19841077
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28102) - you deserved it (3065)

On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

#19830019
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29992) - you deserved it (1879)

On 06/22/2012 at 5:13pm - kids - by pon-3 (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

#19751282
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21372) - you deserved it (2111)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Rohirus (man) - Sweden

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26456) - you deserved it (3004)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19742) - you deserved it (3982)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11204) - you deserved it (58599)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

#19564735
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29234) - you deserved it (2044)

On 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

#19499543
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16510) - you deserved it (9116)

On 04/20/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Ashamed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

#19360532
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5719) - you deserved it (49412)

On 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML

Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML

#19313948
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24961) - you deserved it (2391)

On 03/20/2012 at 1:46pm - misc - by Niles (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

#19231492
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24376) - you deserved it (2061)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

#19016945
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25015) - you deserved it (2781)

On 02/07/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by courtneynaked (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: