lightburns

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Offline (the 04/04/2016 at 8:02pm)

lightburns

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1492
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

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lightburns's page activity

Visits<b>smallandroid</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 12:48pm<b>RandomPatron</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 10:10am<b>zonlach</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 6:33am<b>Flippier999</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 3:29am<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:15pm<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 7:43pm<b>justindrew14</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 9:49pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 10:06pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 9:47pm<b>doubtingtomato</b> - the 08/22/2012 at 11:52am<b>Ray_of_midnight</b> - the 02/24/2012 at 3:20am<b>ShatteredRubiks</b> - the 12/09/2011 at 8:10pm<b>saksxalmo</b> - the 12/08/2011 at 9:11pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:22pm<b>Y0U</b> - the 05/19/2011 at 10:32pm<b>Sakura13</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 2:38pm<b></b> - the 01/24/2011 at 2:07am

lightburns's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of lightburns's badges

lightburns's favorite FMLs

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

by well SHIT / 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

by thats what my ipod is for / 04/26/2013 at 1:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous