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lifesfailure

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  • Number of visits : 2958
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:22pm<b>BadBoyz90210</b> - the 06/21/2011 at 9:25am<b>FYLDeep</b> - the 11/24/2010 at 5:16am

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lifesfailure's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22126) - you deserved it (4005)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

#7198019
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32344) - you deserved it (2542)

On 01/07/2010 at 11:50am - misc - by TJ (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

#7177053
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28079) - you deserved it (6001)

On 01/06/2010 at 3:41am - animals - by motheroftwo (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

#7143279
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36469) - you deserved it (2717)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:34am - health - by Soresack (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

#7139059
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26150) - you deserved it (6638)

On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

#7093853
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4359) - you deserved it (52150)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm - misc - by TacoFail (man) - United States (North Carolina)

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

#7078768
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26281) - you deserved it (2925)

On 01/01/2010 at 8:03am - animals - by grosssss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37119) - you deserved it (17366)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35709) - you deserved it (3349)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

#6995956
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25188) - you deserved it (4671)

On 12/28/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by SpaceAstronaut (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

#6894646
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24613) - you deserved it (1820)

On 12/23/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Chris (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

#6888473
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27870) - you deserved it (3724)

On 12/22/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by everyonewasstaring (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

#6829701
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29011) - you deserved it (3035)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm - money - by heatproblems (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

#6826046
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32621) - you deserved it (3315)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:15am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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