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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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lifesfailure

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lifesfailure
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 944
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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lifesfailure's favorite FMLs

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

#18791715 (239)

I agree, your life sucks (3284) - you deserved it (12058)

On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent five dollars on a virtual cat. FML

#18774568 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (2677) - you deserved it (9923)

On 01/11/2012 at 11:33am - money - by bobbeta30 - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

#18745926 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (7797) - you deserved it (1033)

On 01/08/2012 at 12:42pm - misc - by bellaskyeb - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935 (373)

I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (36396)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (11234) - you deserved it (1342) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889 (330)

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (6320)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

#18353006 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (16206) - you deserved it (1170)

On 11/26/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

#18104426 (359)

I agree, your life sucks (21339) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/29/2011 at 3:46pm - misc - by bethanygirl - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

#18100630 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (11020) - you deserved it (18541)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

#18080621 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (3586) - you deserved it (9103)

On 10/26/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by mycedes - United States

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

#18071485 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (6726) - you deserved it (3764)

On 10/25/2011 at 11:00am - health - by Michael - Australia

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

#18070361 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (28739) - you deserved it (2125)

On 10/25/2011 at 4:17am - misc - by myownperson - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (10363) - you deserved it (31005)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

#18037995 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (36755) - you deserved it (2418)

On 10/21/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by prostitutes boyfriend - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (11338) - you deserved it (882)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved