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Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30678) - you deserved it (4560)
On 03/26/2013 at 10:12am - love - by Candycane88 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37571) - you deserved it (3883)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31835) - you deserved it (4578)
On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32084) - you deserved it (4534)
On 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm - love - by franky (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)
Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32272) - you deserved it (2821)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States
Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27073) - you deserved it (3073)
On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (5121)
On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)
Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28246) - you deserved it (3950)
On 03/24/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Tooloud (woman) - Canada
Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32834) - you deserved it (3469)
On 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39486) - you deserved it (4876)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43336) - you deserved it (5145)
On 03/23/2013 at 12:43am - intimacy - by nraecher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34691) - you deserved it (5203)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39257) - you deserved it (1935)
On 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm - love - by SmallAngel (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I saw some pictures of my boyfriend drunkenly kissing his ex on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he reassured me the pictures were from months ago. Unfortunately for him, I happened to notice a small tattoo on his neck. The same tattoo I went with him just last week to get. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33594) - you deserved it (2127)
On 03/21/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by kaikaicaligirl - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27308) - you deserved it (3412)
On 03/21/2013 at 2:42pm - animals - by DommeAshlee - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)
Monday 20 May 2013
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