lex999

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lex999

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 February 2000 (16 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 530
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lex999's page activity

Visits<b>Alwaysontherun</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 9:35pm<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 6:18pm

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lex999's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 6:44am / United States / Health

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 8:27pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

by ... / 06/16/2013 at 4:57pm / South Africa (Eastern Cape) / Love

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

by not a brain cell in sight / 06/16/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

by well then... / 06/15/2013 at 1:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

by bestiality, not even once / 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

by thatisfuckedup / 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

by Hannah / 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 11:13am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

by _Tatyana_ / 06/13/2013 at 3:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health