About lex1459 : Gene Parmesan is the true master of disguise.
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lex1459's favorite FMLs
by SpongeAbii2 / 01/24/2012 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
by Sadfaic / 01/22/2012 at 9:59pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by toothpaste / 01/19/2012 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 12/07/2011 at 12:47pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by ChrisD2V / 11/30/2011 at 10:52pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 2:55pm / United States / Kids
by smellyhouse / 11/27/2011 at 5:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by Matthew / 11/26/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Nevada) / Money
by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
by anonymous / 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom called me crazy and told me she wanted to put me in a mental hospital. She did this after repeatedly hitting me with a shoe. Why? Because I forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. FML
by whoopsboutthecap / 11/15/2011 at 7:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML
by Good sister / 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Love