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letiflor's favorite FMLs
Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML
by microtech / 12/13/2011 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by frankkathy / 07/26/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
by Boo / 07/14/2011 at 4:59am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
by nicknick2 / 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/06/2011 at 12:10am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML
by Winchesterlover / 02/05/2011 at 1:41pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML
Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm / United States / Health
Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML
by kayin / 12/09/2010 at 8:59pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by grossedout / 12/08/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation
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- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…
- Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my… Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack… Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML