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lessthan0

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lessthan0

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1156
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lessthan0's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

#20182587
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6416) - you deserved it (43330)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28341) - you deserved it (1622)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49243) - you deserved it (14546)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

#20164798
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49443) - you deserved it (6256)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49443) - you deserved it (6256)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
277 comments

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

#20161582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25671) - you deserved it (3783)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27217) - you deserved it (2226)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34288) - you deserved it (3554)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

#20107826
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8190) - you deserved it (35630)

On 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20599) - you deserved it (2683)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

#20098929
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30909) - you deserved it (2519)

On 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by praise the prenup (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33333) - you deserved it (2554)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

#20090730
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19841) - you deserved it (7376)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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