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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35572) - you totally deserved it (5747)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was supposed to hang out with the girl I like because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma 'all day.' 1 o'clock, she comes online and tells me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35281) - you totally deserved it (1632)
On 07/25/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Jake (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6291) - you totally deserved it (22505)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:33am - work - by aireun (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML
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On 07/07/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 1:14am - health - by POLYBLOT (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18259) - you totally deserved it (27847)
On 06/30/2009 at 12:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 4:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML
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On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43768) - you totally deserved it (1753)
On 06/21/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by oldtimerclark - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)
