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lesbionist's favorite FMLs
by HeartToFart / 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals
by burnmyeyes / 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML
by FaceTime issues / 04/06/2014 at 2:57am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML
by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Health
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML
by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by pantyripper / 03/24/2014 at 8:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog…