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lesbionist's favorite FMLs
by HeartToFart / 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals
by burnmyeyes / 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML
by FaceTime issues / 04/06/2014 at 2:57am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML
by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Health
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML
by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by pantyripper / 03/24/2014 at 8:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…