this is leigh and naomi's FML profile.
well no shit.
:)
xx naomi.
and leigh.
Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9477) - you totally deserved it (30328)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I hooked up with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (97271) - you totally deserved it (14163)
On 06/12/2009 at 8:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34662) - you totally deserved it (4776)
On 06/12/2009 at 9:46am - love - by embarrassment (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home she thanked me over and over again and then said "thank god you have no life!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (39623) - you totally deserved it (2303)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my dad texted me and told me "I love u." I answer back with "I love you too dad...are you drunk?" and he answers back "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49554) - you totally deserved it (2818)
On 05/06/2009 at 6:04pm - love - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12073) - you totally deserved it (70376)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6139) - you totally deserved it (41114)
On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13428) - you totally deserved it (25425)
On 04/03/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by tmac (woman) - United States
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13679) - you totally deserved it (213149)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you totally deserved it (177146)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220106) - you totally deserved it (243833)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20343) - you totally deserved it (136345)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19732) - you totally deserved it (30365)
On 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
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