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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12467) - you deserved it (35377)
On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my "don't ever touch me" cat jumped next to me acting as if she wanted to be petted. In fact, she jumped next to me to share her nasty fart. I need a new kitty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13169) - you deserved it (3257)
On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)
Today, my "don't ever touch me" cat jumped next to me acting as if she wanted to be petted. In fact, she jumped next to me to share her nasty fart. I need a new kitty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13169) - you deserved it (3257)
On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11547) - you deserved it (1746)
On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (6666) - you deserved it (26383)
On 01/29/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Hahaha - United States (California)
Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3613) - you deserved it (28432)
On 01/28/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by 315 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12848) - you deserved it (60649)
On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States
Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11478) - you deserved it (3052)
On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: “I’m keeping them just in case...”- “In case of what?”- “In case I want to dress up like an asshole”. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5461) - you deserved it (15544)
On 01/20/2009 at 9:01am - love - by dude - Sent from mobile version
Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16152) - you deserved it (1018)
On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by - Sent from mobile version
Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8929) - you deserved it (1722)
On 01/17/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by nothreat33 - United States (Maryland)
Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5103) - you deserved it (21887)
On 01/16/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by Gob - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24385) - you deserved it (4242)
On 01/15/2009 at 8:25pm - health - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)
Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3471) - you deserved it (14201)
On 01/15/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by jen - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4116) - you deserved it (36743)
On 01/13/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Gale - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 17 June 2013
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