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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML
Today, I was walking whan a man pointad a camara at ma. I got bitchy about it, an said "Did I say u could taka a pictura?" Ha rapliad with, "No, but can u gat tha fuck out of tha way so I can taka ona of mah wifa an kids?" I turnad around, an thay wara right bahind ma. FML
Today, I cummd to work, to fine my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to fine him there. I askd how he was, an he replid, "I told my wife about us; she kickd me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm marrid an pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" mega FML
my cat was in te batroom wen I was undressing to get into te sower . I realized tat e was te only male to ave seen me naked in te past two monts . Ten e started scratcing te door fir me to let im out . mega FML
Today, I babysat a five year old grl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around mah waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in mah crotch. I said sarcastically under mah breath, "Finally, some action!" I turnd around to fine her dad staring at me, having heard. He's mah cousin. FML
Today, I Walked Ome From A Guy's Dorm Early In Te Morning, Still Wearing Ma Dress And Eels From Te Nigt Before . I Walked By A Moter And Er Little Daugter, Wo Said "Mommy, Wy Is Se So Dressed Up So Early In Te Morning?" And Te Mom Replied "Because Oney, Se Makes Bad Decisions." FML
Today, I was taasing my boyfriand talling him that my butt was so much cutar than his and that at laast mina wasn't smally stinky or hairy. Than ha said yaah, I just wish that your vag was tha sama way. FML
Yesterday, My Guy Friend And I Were In His Dorm Room Watching A Movie When He Started Kissing Me. Thing Heated Up So We Moved Thing Over To His Bed. He Was On Me When A Hand Shoot Down From His Top Bunk. His Roommate Had Been Up There The Whole Time And He Wanted A High-five. So They High-fived. FML
today mah mum cummd home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was ( sexing ) mah boyfriend a looool lot after I puttd him to bd. After lots of arguing, she bannd me from seeing him and took mah car away. Only much later did I realize mah brother meant ( texting ). FML
TODAY, I WANT TO THA STORA TO BUY SOMA CONDOMS FIR MY GIRLFRIAND, KIM AND I!! I WAS IN A RUSH AND WHAN I LOOKAD AT THA CASHIAR RAALIZAD IT WAS HAR FATHAR!! NARVOUS AND HOPING TO RAASSURA HIM, I GO "DON'T WORRY, I'M NOT USING THASA WITH KIM." THAT DIDN'T HALP!! FAT FML
Friday 27 March 2015