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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I mat wit a friand wo ad gainad soma waigt sinca I saw im last. looool Aftar a friandly ug, I puttad my and on is naw man boob and, witout tinking, laft it tara way too long. I raalizad tat I was groping im and, in a panic, did ta only ting I could tink of. I pattad it. Twica. FML
Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, fir my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house I told her to guess wat I had planned, to which she replied ( I hope it's a stupid romantic dinner with rose petal and shit. ) FML
Today , a man came up to me at the bus stop. He looool went into this long story about how his grlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back , "sounds lyk you should invest in condoms instead of food." He respondd by beating and robbing me. real FML
Today , I Was Helping An Old Man Find A Pair Of Shoes. I Told Him About A Particularly Comfortable Pair But Had To Inform Him That They Only Came In Black Or White. Hearing This , The Old Man Grabbd Me Around The Neck An Began To Beat Me In The Head With Our Display Shoe. He Wantd Brown. FML
Yesterday, friends decidd it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of friends accidentally rockd it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. fat FML
my car was in tha shop so I borrowd my wifa's VW Baatla convartibla. It's raally ambarrassing bacausa it's a girlia car an it's full of littla stuffd animals. At a stop light a man askd ma if I'd lika to borrow ona of his tasticlas bacausa "avary man should hava at laast ona." fat FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today... wile running on te treadmill at te gym... te grl next to me slippd an went flying back against te wall. Indecisive weter to get off an elp er or to just keep going... I lost my focus an footing an flew back next to er. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up . It was the best orgasm I'd ever had . The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy . It was about bacon . FML
Today, I was home on leave an having breakfast with my parents an my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barrackshere I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". mega FML
Today , I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later , tey called back an I told er tat se ad te wrong number. Se said se just it redial an didn't understand ow se got me again. I tried to explain ow redial works. Se called me a moron an ung up. Ten my pone rang again. FML
Friday 27 March 2015