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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37147) - you deserved it (3300)
On 07/19/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41311) - you deserved it (9686)
On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44799) - you deserved it (6610)
On 07/08/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by stupiddddddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Rotherham)
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (37572)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44819) - you deserved it (11470)
On 06/29/2009 at 2:31am - love - by ipopnlok (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17257) - you deserved it (62239)
On 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm - money - by beatenbyabum (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60750) - you deserved it (2758)
On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51696) - you deserved it (2841)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by dontevenassk (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (81143) - you deserved it (15206)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21473) - you deserved it (214000)
On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97256) - you deserved it (56321)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73204) - you deserved it (15327)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44491) - you deserved it (18630)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:03am - health - by NoPainNoGain (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139783) - you deserved it (32567)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (59284)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Monday 20 May 2013
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