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yesterday I moved into mah new apartment and met mah new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
TODAY... I WAS EATING CHIPS WITH MAH FATHER. AFTER I FINISHED EATING A CHIP I FELT SOMETHING BETWEEN MAH TEETH... IT WAS PUBIC HAIR. I SOON REALIZED MAH DAD WAS SCRATCHING HIS TESTICLES WHILE EATING CHIPS. FML
Today... My Boyfriend Was Going Down On Me. Suddenly... He Grabbed My 'lower' Lips And Moved Them In A Talking Motion... Proclaiming That "the Talking Vagina Declares War And Wants To Conquer The Great Penis." FML
yesterday my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed... so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know... her parent were home... sitting outside. So I was naked... with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML
Today, I want to buy soma spray paint 4 a projact. I'va navar usad a spray can bafora, so I dacidad to try it on papar providad. Unfortunataly I didn't hold tha can tha right way and andad up with black, parmanant, paint all ovar my faca in tha middla of a stora. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Friday 27 March 2015