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Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51167) - you totally deserved it (5035)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17179) - you totally deserved it (45106)
On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7540) - you totally deserved it (45872)
On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39003) - you totally deserved it (3789)
On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore
Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5592) - you totally deserved it (39780)
On 06/21/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by creepyeyes (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24361) - you totally deserved it (8374)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37405) - you totally deserved it (2787)
On 06/16/2009 at 3:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
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On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
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On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
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On 05/21/2009 at 8:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
I agree, your life sucks (53217) - you totally deserved it (24646)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7897) - you totally deserved it (103175)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44426) - you totally deserved it (1184)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting all in my face so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting at it I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
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On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML
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On 05/06/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by frankie034 (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
