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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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laughingman

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laughingman
  • Town/Country : Bay city, laughingman
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3583
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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laughingman's favorite FMLs

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks (4743) - you deserved it (19406)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks (8392) - you deserved it (48259)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

#4906491 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (10042) - you deserved it (35534)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

#4879215 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (49684) - you deserved it (3231)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:43am - intimacy - by Phoellie (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

#4644829 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (52712) - you deserved it (1911)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (58037) - you deserved it (7832)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks (30424) - you deserved it (4275)

On 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm - work - by dumblond (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (41550) - you deserved it (4939)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

#4346574 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (60371) - you deserved it (4688)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

#4330771 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (14625) - you deserved it (76740)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

#4272437 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (10680) - you deserved it (35816)

On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to change things up by having sex on her trampoline in her backyard. After about an hour of some of the best sex I've ever had, my girlfriend turns to me and says "I hope my dad didn't see us." He was out there mowing the lawn. FML

#4216257 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (13516) - you deserved it (45025)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by jumper243 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087 (411)

I agree, your life sucks (56420) - you deserved it (11333)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

#3877886 (209)

I agree, your life sucks (54964) - you deserved it (2917)

On 07/19/2009 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

#3493845 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (40150) - you deserved it (4491)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by bridezilla (woman) - Canada (Alberta)