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lalatookasheema's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML
by jackmehoffa / 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML
by Anon / 03/22/2012 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Money
by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
by Peach / 03/02/2012 at 12:46am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
by Rachel / 03/01/2012 at 4:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 2:35am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by sammyxoxo / 12/18/2011 at 3:32am / Canada / Animals
Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML
by 2285morgan / 12/15/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by O__o / 12/09/2011 at 1:43am / United States / Transportation
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…