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Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you totally deserved it (3391)
On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you totally deserved it (2603)
On 10/18/2009 at 11:27am - kids - by hairdresser (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)
Today, my 5 year old daughter lectured me on my poor parental skills when I suggested that she watch Saturday morning cartoons she used words like "unhealthy, obese, smaller IQ, and uneducational." I'll take that Mother of the Year award now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15523) - you totally deserved it (4044)
On 10/17/2009 at 1:08pm - misc - by ragekat - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17217) - you totally deserved it (4133)
On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22539) - you totally deserved it (5791)
On 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Sneezy123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you totally deserved it (1761)
On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28992) - you totally deserved it (6555)
On 09/15/2009 at 5:32pm - work - by stillwaiting (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25494) - you totally deserved it (6045)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32708) - you totally deserved it (4849)
On 09/10/2009 at 6:00pm - kids - by Bewildered (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30974) - you totally deserved it (4281)
On 09/10/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by englishclasshigh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28265) - you totally deserved it (2224)
On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7619) - you totally deserved it (20959)
On 09/10/2009 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25033) - you totally deserved it (2511)
On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23191) - you totally deserved it (3570)
On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30214) - you totally deserved it (860)
On 09/04/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by 1ndustrytx (man) - United States (Texas)
