Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About ladyLALAA : Once upon another time, there was a fox, and he was called Jerome. He lived in the woods, in Elderberry Wood. His friends were Nicholas the Tennis Rat and Dante the Racist Badger.
They spent their days punting down the lazy rivers of Cambridge town. Occasionally would eat a cucumber sandwich and sit under Mr. Willow the Tree.
One day, whilst relaxing, he found a copy of Cheekbone Magazine. It was in the bush. And he read an article about London life. He read it over and over, and over, and over again, and over. And then, decided he was gonna go to London! His friends said, "No! You can't go!" But he decided he was gonna, 'cause he was a willfulll little fox, and he set off to the town.
Three days later, he was off his tiny face in a gay club. Woohoo! The fun, fun times for him! But the party lifestyle took its toll. Eventually he ended up on the streets, begging for cheese in Dalston.
That fox, my friend, was none other than me, the Crack Fox. CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML
Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML
Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML