Sixteen, oddly pale with dark hair and eyes. Skinny, sarcastic, sometimes a little bitchy. Loves to learn new things and reads constantly. Enjoys bonfires at the sandpit the beach, foreign films, sex, camping, art, exchange students, high fashion, and the odd game of tennis. Has an affinity for language and a knack for ending up in shitty situations.
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48546) - you totally deserved it (1633)
On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42632) - you totally deserved it (12677)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34442) - you totally deserved it (9733)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47801) - you totally deserved it (2593)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by hurts (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (46192) - you totally deserved it (1569)
On 05/04/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by Jess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7433) - you totally deserved it (46222)
On 05/04/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by kandi (woman) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38668) - you totally deserved it (2429)
On 05/04/2009 at 12:40am - health - by lsta (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121966) - you totally deserved it (5391)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47570) - you totally deserved it (4851)
On 05/03/2009 at 11:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4667) - you totally deserved it (42639)
On 05/03/2009 at 9:44am - misc - by mylifesucks123 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32105) - you totally deserved it (9568)
On 04/24/2009 at 5:04am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63195) - you totally deserved it (8618)
On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm - kids - by boyfriendless (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
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On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
