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kurofjones

Offline (the 09/30/2014 at 5:40am) | Search for a member

kurofjones

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  • Number of visits : 326
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

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kurofjones's favorite FMLs

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60632) - you deserved it (20251)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

#20572997
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46695) - you deserved it (5545)

On 04/03/2013 at 9:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31285) - you deserved it (5897)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44763) - you deserved it (6794)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (45494)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41055) - you deserved it (3403)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46445) - you deserved it (7936)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37259) - you deserved it (4007)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23500) - you deserved it (4800)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43313) - you deserved it (3796)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

#17371338
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39231) - you deserved it (7280)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm - animals - by dukebluedevils13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38138) - you deserved it (5258)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15338) - you deserved it (8962)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32933) - you deserved it (7371)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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