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kturtle92's FML badges
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
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kturtle92's favorite FMLs
by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML
by NiHao / 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
by wetbutt / 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
- Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman.… Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and… Today, my husband of 19 years took our children out for dinner, told them he's gay, then sent them…