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kturtle92's FML badges
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
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kturtle92's favorite FMLs
by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML
by NiHao / 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
by wetbutt / 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
- Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door… Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about… Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at…