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kturtle92's favorite FMLs
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
by a / 03/29/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Sarah / 03/26/2012 at 7:14am / United States / Love
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by uh-oh / 03/25/2012 at 1:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by nazooer / 03/21/2012 at 9:50pm / United States / Health
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by notsober / 03/20/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Love
by FoodyFood / 03/19/2012 at 12:59am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by Austin Franklin / 03/18/2012 at 7:41am / United States / Love
by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML
by muzikmaler91 / 03/15/2012 at 5:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead…