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kturtle92's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
by PissOffPottermore / 09/13/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML
by dgilbs / 08/27/2012 at 10:50am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by wtf / 08/26/2012 at 1:03am / New Zealand (Southland) / Love
by brylynn / 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm / United States / Health
Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML
by Maria / 08/20/2012 at 9:25am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML
by anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 9:26am / Lebanon / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
by ugh / 06/08/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Ladieda / 05/28/2012 at 6:15am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love
by Nice / 05/01/2012 at 9:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
by Aus / 04/26/2012 at 10:43am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless… Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he… Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we…