About ktumbler : I don't see the point of the about section. It's fml not eharmony. Anyway, I'm Kass. Wuddup?
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ktumbler's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML
by IvyLeague? / 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML
by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 5:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 3:24am / United States (Montana) / Love
Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML
by living_thedream / 01/14/2013 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Abendigo77 / 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 3:12pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love
Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML
by lifsabtch / 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm / Love
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by nosleep / 12/29/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…