About ktumbler : I don't see the point of the about section. It's fml not eharmony. Anyway, I'm Kass. Wuddup?
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ktumbler's favorite FMLs
by lex / 02/14/2013 at 6:01am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by lonelyloser / 02/04/2013 at 2:45am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML
by cay / 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Kids
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by lesson.learned / 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by walkingdictionary / 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML
by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I overheard a house renter in his 20's at the house next door to mine telling a story about… Today, I decided to take the train to go to a summer camp a few cities away. I waited. And waited.… Today, My sister called my boyfriend by my ex's name. I haven't been with my ex for six years. Now,…
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the…