the name's kristen.
I love old books by people like Jane Austen, Charlotte Brontë, and F. Scott Fitzgerald. I can't walk to save my life. I love hot chocolate:) And I'm very random at times.
I hate text talk.. it makes me wanna scream.
I love mayday parade and I hate this small town that I'm stuck in and I want so badly to be in phoenix arizona
Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39714) - you totally deserved it (1351)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by squirt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35342) - you totally deserved it (4641)
On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38844) - you totally deserved it (6132)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was completely wasted at my bachelor party, and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis. Sodium nitrate makes your skin dark purple for a couple of weeks. My wedding is next week and my fiancee has never seen me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47999) - you totally deserved it (11738)
On 07/02/2009 at 2:32am - intimacy - by purpledick (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8184) - you totally deserved it (26924)
On 07/01/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Beccarr - United Kingdom (Wokingham)
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45734) - you totally deserved it (3746)
On 06/29/2009 at 12:38pm - kids - by dad (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37995) - you totally deserved it (2386)
On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18981) - you totally deserved it (33609)
On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51144) - you totally deserved it (1941)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34295) - you totally deserved it (6351)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53732) - you totally deserved it (11507)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. Randomly, she confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I throw up on her shoes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32449) - you totally deserved it (12999)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69513) - you totally deserved it (5423)
On 04/19/2009 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you totally deserved it (52997)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (2467) - you totally deserved it (11248)
On 01/04/2009 at 10:33pm - love - by titou - France (Ile-de-France)
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