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Today, as I was wasing te dises, I feltat I tougt was a mosquito on ma leg. I kicked at it wit ma foot only to realize tat I ad just kicked ma adopted puppy in te face. Now,enever I come into a room, e runs to te corner and pees. FML
Today, I asked mah looool girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on mah penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. fat FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
Today, my oldar brothar and soma of his cuta friands cummad ovar. Whan wa got insida my mom yalls to ma ( I got u soma biggar tampons bacausa u laakad all ovar your naw undarwaar. ) Thay looool all startad laughing. FML
Today my son said "Mommy sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replid "Well honey that's normal an okay." I then askd when it happens to which he said "Well sometimes when watching Scooby Doo an Shaggy comes out dressd in lady clothes." mega FML
Yesterday , I was having sex with mah girlfriend when she started moaning an breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot an was about to cum. Unfortunetly , she soon said , "I'm bored looool , let's play a board game." She was sighing , not moaning. FML
Today , I was watching a movie with mah boyfriend an his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt gratefulhen I saw his father reaching fir the remote to fastforward past the scene. He puttd it into slowmotion. We watchd in silence fir about 3 minute before he managd to fix it. FML
Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of mah friends car. I lookd over to the left and was greetd by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happend to lookd down and realizd that mah right boob was completely out of mah top. FML
Today, I was walking troug te mall wit ma boyfriend of a year and a alf. Tere was sign outside of te jewelry store tat said, "Engagement Rings-No interest fir 12 monts." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replid, "Tat's rigt...NO INTEREST." big fat FML
Today , I asked ma dad if e could fix ma bed. It ad been squeaking 4 some time. He sook is ead no. He ten continued wit , "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell , u aven't gotten any in weeks". FML
Today , I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decidd to get my upper lip waxd 4 the frst time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up 4 our date I askd if he noticd anything different about me , the frst thing he said was ( I see u got rid of u mustache. ) FML
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing looool her boobs against back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw fat friend rubbing his man boobs against back. FML
Friday 27 March 2015