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klonopin_ftw

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klonopin_ftw
  • Town/Country : Modesto, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 14 February 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 642
  • Number of comments : 109
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About klonopin_ftw : My name is Alexander. I like to leave funny comments. Enjoy.

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klonopin_ftw's favorite FMLs

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18421) - you deserved it (31296)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

#15658091
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24548) - you deserved it (44275)

On 04/05/2011 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by oc_cheergirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

#15651710
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45902) - you deserved it (4702)

On 04/05/2011 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

#15650544
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29894) - you deserved it (3016)

On 04/05/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by Imslow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37374) - you deserved it (10492)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#15632766
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27413) - you deserved it (15072)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:13am - kids - by arbiter3 -

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

#15574334
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18706) - you deserved it (21115)

On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

#15555726
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32486) - you deserved it (7713)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States



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